Writer: Mikey Delap
Date:Monday June 11 2007
This is a slapstick look at events unfolding next season, no, none of them are serious but hopefully it'll be fun to read.....
1) After coming on as a sub with 10 minutes left, Stephane Henchoz is replaced in the 83rd minute due to exhaustion.
2) Despite playing a stormer for 60 mins, with a game full of craft and vision, Paul Gallagher is replaced whilst the tired and anonymous Shabani Nonda stays on the pitch.
3) Mark Hughes goes the full season on the touchline without smiling.
4) Chris Samba sustains a concussion ruling him out for a month after whacking into the 'this is Anfield' sign away at Liverpool.
5) Seconds after signing a double your money contract extension, Dave Dunn pulls a hamstring whilst putting the pen back on the desk.
6) After scoring a goal at the Blackburn end, Matty Derbyshire performs the most subdued celebration ever seen. (Just doing the 3 laps round the pitch whilst throwing his arms around like an 8 year old on creatine).
7) During the half time interval Shabani Nonda is ordered to take 5 penalties against Roar the Lion, scoring 1, missing 3 and having one saved brilliantly by the athletic Lion.
8) During the match, Roar is spotted NOT chatting up the stewardesses.
9) Kevin Hitchcock is spotted in the dugout without his arms folded, the caption receives £500,000 from Sky One for the shock footage taken by a season ticket holder in the Jack Walker Stand.
10) Stephen Warnock is revealed in the News of the World as the secret love child of Tugay. And the real reason he has not been selected by Steve McClaren for his England Squads is that Warnock is actually Turkish, making him in eligible.
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Date:Monday June 11 2007
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